Local Dad Sues Daughter After Failed “Pull My Finger” Gag Turns Into Full-Blown Parking Lot Disaster
FORT WAYNE, IN — What was meant to be a lighthearted Sunday tradition turned into a tragic (and aromatic) disaster yesterday in the parking lot of Grace & Truth Baptist Church.
Local father of three, Todd Jones, known among his family for his "timeless" dad jokes and gastrointestinal showmanship, attempted to execute his signature “pull my finger” gag shortly after morning service. Traditionally, the routine ends with a fart, laughter, and a disapproving glare from his wife, Mary Marge — a woman whose tolerance for nonsense is as thin as the church’s coffee.
But on this fateful day, Todd’s middle daughter, Lilly, broke protocol.
“She didn’t pull,” Todd said, still visibly shaken. “She slapped it. Just—smack! And I wasn’t ready. I was winding up a pressure cooker.”
According to eyewitnesses — mostly parents unloading crockpots for the potluck — Todd immediately went stiff, stared at the sky, and whispered, “No.” He then reportedly dropped to the pavement beside the family van and refused to move.
“Right there between the fellowship hall and the handicapped spot,” said one churchgoer. “He laid down like a man who had just been spiritually, emotionally, and gastrointestinally defeated.”
Paramedics were not called, but Todd did demand that Mary Marge bring the car around so he wouldn’t have to walk in front of people. “He just kept saying, ‘I warned her. I told her not to slap it.”
Later that evening, Todd shocked the community by announcing that he is filing a civil lawsuit against Lilly, age 9, citing “emotional trauma, fabric damage, and intentional misdirection of finger protocol.” Mary Marge responded with an eye roll.
“This was sabotage,” Todd told reporters from his La-Z-Boy recliner, wearing sweatpants and shame. “Had she pulled like a proper daughter, this entire mess could have been a minor toot and a giggle. Instead, I’m down a pair of slacks and up a legal bill.”
Legal experts are unsure how the case will proceed, given that Lilly is a minor, and that her legal defense is being crowd-funded through the children’s ministry bake sale.
Meanwhile, the church has quietly issued a policy encouraging families to limit post-service gags to non-explosive gestures.
As for Todd, he’s vowed never to attempt the gag again — unless, he adds, “someone gets me a fresh pair of Dockers and a daughter who respects the classics.”
Ashokan O’Fabley -The Mandolinian
