




The Procrastinati -Uncovering the Secret Lives of the Moderately Functional
Peter, off to Neverland once again.



Introducing FEDUPS: The Explosively Fast Delivery Service for People Who Are Just Done With It All
Precision
Engineers Delivering Satisfaction.

Post-CME Chaos: Child-Led Riots Erupt Across The Globe As Screens Go Dark
Where are their parents??

THE GREAT AI WALKOUT: 2036
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Gen Z Men Giving Up on Dating, Choosing Instead to Become Champions of “Call of Duty XVII”
"She watched him like a tragic ghost of analog affection, floating behind his ergonomic chair while he fought digital dragons with unblinking intensity. Her heart whispered, 'Notice me.' His eyes whispered back, 'Respawn in 3...2...1.'"

Sunday Sermon: "The Tariffs of Tribulation and the Tide of Tithing"
Next Week Church Parking Going Up $25





Local Dad Sues Daughter After Failed “Pull My Finger” Gag Turns Into Full-Blown Parking Lot Disaster
It all began with an idea.

BROOKS UN-DONE: THE SPACE COWBOYS WHO TURNED A TOILET MELTDOWN INTO A MULTI-MOON EMPIRE
Dareth Brooks and Garth Vayder’s Brooks Un-Done Album won Album of The Year on four moons and an Asteroid.

Artist Wins Award For “Happy Little Commie” Painting, PTSD Sends Him Into Rambo Mode During Ceremony
Now we paint a happy little commie right there.