Artist Wins Award For “Happy Little Commie” Painting, PTSD Sends Him Into Rambo Mode During Ceremony
April 2, 2025 | The Mandolinian – Satire That Hits Harder Than Todd Closs At A Medal Ceremony
SEATTLE, WA — What began as a tasteful art gala ended in mild violence and shattered pastries after local combat artist Todd Closs suffered a full-blown PTSD flashback upon receiving an award for his controversial painting titled “Happy Little Commie in a Tank.”
The oil painting, which depicts a smiling, cartoonishly chubby communist soldier casually running over a pedestrian with a Chinese tank during the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests, was praised by critics for its "bold historical commentary, whimsical brushwork, and aggressive passive-aggression."
Closs explained his inspiration in a pre-ceremony interview: “I just wanted to show the softer side of authoritarian brutality. You know, with happy trees... and flattening dissent.”
The piece stirred minor diplomatic outrage in Beijing but won The Pupil’s Choice Award for Most Disturbing Use of Vermilion Red at the Pacific Northwest Art & Weapons Expo.
The real drama, however, occurred when Closs took the stage to accept his award.
According to witnesses, as Closs reached for the microphone, a nearby mic stand tipped over and hit the ground with a sharp metallic crash—perfectly mimicking the sound of a Soviet-era mortar round landing in wet mud.
Without hesitation, Closs’s eyes widened, and he decked the event host, retired poet and part-time goat yoga instructor Harold Fennigan, square in the face.
“He moved like lightning,” said one attendee. “One second he was smiling, the next he was under the refreshment table covered in hummus and screaming about artillery grids.”
Closs’s wife, Bab Closs—who suffers from Tourette’s and once accidentally triggered a fire drill at Applebee’s just by ordering a milkshake—was reportedly halfway through yelling the phrase “FASCIST PANCAKES!” when she realized her husband had already gone full tactical.
Organizers tried to calm Closs with a mix of chamomile tea, his hero Bob Ross’s reruns, and light ambient pan flute music. Eventually, he was coaxed out from under the table using a trail of gluten-free brownies and a firm but forgiving voice from Fennigan himself—who had by then stuffed tissue into his bleeding nose and forgiven the entire situation in a very peaceful poet kind of way.
Despite having a black eye and a partially dislocated metaphor, Fennigan managed to re-present the award.
Closs emerged, visibly trembling, to accept it.
“Thank you,” he said, blinking furiously and clutching his easel like it was loaded. “I’d like to dedicate this to free expression, and also apologize for the tactical takedown of our emcee. That was muscle memory and trauma, not personal.”
The art community has already begun circulating posters of “Happy Little Commie in a Tank” as a symbol of “brutalist satire” and “something that would make the CCP vaguely uncomfortable.”
Meanwhile, Closs has been offered future gallery space and a complimentary helmet for any future awards.
Ashokan O’Fabley -The Mandolinian
