BROOKS UN-DONE: THE SPACE COWBOYS WHO TURNED A TOILET MELTDOWN INTO A MULTI-MOON EMPIRE
Dawerth Brooks & Garth Vayder Win "Album of the Year" Across Four Moons and an Asteroid With Septic-Themed Country Anthem
GALACTIC OPRE STATION – ORBITAL SECTOR B7
In a shock to no one and a nostril assault to many, space country duo Dawerth Brooks and Garth Vayder swept the Galaxy-Wide Cosmic Music Awards this week, winning Album of the Year on four moons and one particularly enthusiastic asteroid with their breakout record "Brooks Un-Done."
The crowd at the Grand Ol' Opre Space Saloon, many of them roughneck space truckers and overworked moon plumbers, erupted into tears, yee-haws, and a few involuntary gag reflexes as the duo took the stage to perform their chart-topping anthem:
"I Got Shit In Low Places."
Wearing matching cowboy hats over custom-vented breathing masks, the self-proclaimed gun singers (not to be confused with gun slingers, though they still occasionally shoot things), humbly accepted the award before belting out their iconic, septic-ode to domestic plumbing disaster.
"Blamed it all on tree roots / It’s septic abuse / It hadn’t been pumped in a while..."
These words, described by critics as “visceral, vulnerable, and vaguely biohazardous,” immediately resonated with an audience comprised mostly of blue-collar mechanics, methane haulers, and septic techs from the Southern Spiral Galaxy.
One space trucker, interviewed mid-weep outside the venue while wringing out his socks, told reporters:
“That line—‘my plunger’s gone and I’m sewage basted’—it’s like they read my diary, man.”
The song, reportedly inspired by a real-life incident involving Dawerth Brooks, three chili dogs, and an unlicensed outhouse on Mars-3, has become the most requested track on SpaceTrucker Radio, overtaking previous classic hits like “My Hover-Wife Left Me for a Droid” and “Yeehaw Nebula Breakdown.”
The full Brooks Un-Done album also includes other emotionally explosive tracks like:
“Septic Tank Serenade”
“Ain’t No Flushin’ in a Gravity Storm”
and the haunting ballad “That Ain’t Mud.”
Galactic critics are hailing the album as “unfiltered,” “raw,” and “probably needing to be quarantined for health reasons.”
When asked what’s next, Garth Vayder told reporters:
“We’re just happy to make music that moves people... and sometimes moves through their walls.”
Meanwhile, the Grand Ol’ Opre stage crew is still attempting to neutralize the lingering effects of the duo’s fog machine, which was later discovered to be connected to a malfunctioning graywater recycling unit.
"I Got Shit in Low Places"
by The Mandolinian, Dawerth Brooks, & Garth Vayder
[Verse 1]
Blamed it all on tree roots.
It's septic abuse, it hadn't been pumped in a while.
That shit starts to stink, it’s backed up in the sink,
And it runs down my walls — holy hell...
It's too friggin late.
My new carpet’s stained,
And by the look of my son I can tell.
He used too much to wipe,
And it's clogging the pipe.
NOTHING GOES DOWN THE DRAAAAAAIN!
[Chorus]
Oh, I got shit in low places,
It runs through the halls of my oasis.
My shoes are damp...
My home's a swamp...
It’s 1 A.M. and my night is wasted...
My plungers are gone and I'm sewage basted...
Ohh I got shit...
In low places.
[Instrumental Bridge]
Guitar weeps gently like a rusted flange wrench...
[Verse 2]
It's literally clear,
Lateral lines were right here —
Under your big friggin truck.
Crushed by the weight, it's in a bad state,
And the smell is enough to break wills.
This looks rather bad,
The septic man’s glad,
And by the look of my wife I can tell —
She's leaving me now,
Because of the smell,
And nothin' goes down her DRAAAAAAIN!
[Chorus 2]
Well I got shit in low places,
It runs through the halls of my oasis.
My shoes are damp...
My home's a swamp...
It’s one A.M. and my night is wasted,
My plunger’s gone and I’m sewage basted...
Ohhh I got shit in low places....
[Final Chorus - slow & sad like a septic drip]
Oh I got shit in low places,
It runs through the halls of my oasis.
My shoes are damp...
My home's a swamp...
It’s one A.M. and my night is wasted,
My plumbing’s dead and I’m sewage basted...
Ohhh I got shiiiiit...
In low places...
Ashokan O’Fabley -The Mandolinian
