Post-CME Chaos: Child-Led Riots Erupt Across The Globe As Screens Go Dark
MIAMI, FL – July 2029 – Last week’s catastrophic Coronal Mass Ejection (CME) has rendered all modern electronics useless, throwing the world into disarray and triggering a new era of confusion, candlelight, and toddler-led anarchy.
While many adults responded to the tech blackout with quiet desperation and confused stares at their now-reflective smartphones, the children—particularly those under 13—have taken a more proactive approach: pure, unfiltered destruction.
One eyewitness in Atlanta reported a four-year-old hurling a full-size lawn chair through the window of a downtown 7-Eleven just moments before bedtime.
“He was still in footie pajamas,” said a trembling clerk, sweeping shattered glass from a Slurpee machine that no longer functions.
The chaos, experts say, is fueled by a massive, collective screen-time withdrawal, the likes of which society has never seen. Toddlers have taken to the streets, forming loose factions with names like "Team Tablet", "The Paw Patrol Militia", and "The Peppa Piglets."
Police nationwide remain overwhelmed and confused. One officer, still clutching a rapidly melting freeze pop, sobbed to reporters after a child punched him in the crotch and fled on a stolen bicycle.
“We tried everything. Bear mace, time-outs, even juice boxes. Nothing works,” he cried.
“It’s like Lord of the Flies, but shorter and with way more screaming.”
As of this morning, five major U.S. cities have reportedly burned to the ground. Washington D.C. has gone dark, cutting all communication feeds. Some believe the CME fried federal systems. Others believe nobody up there wants to answer the phone.
Meanwhile, the wealthy have responded predictably. In affluent suburbs, panicked residents have taken to padlocking their children outside gated communities, insisting it’s for “security reasons” and “they need to learn how to dig holes and eat grass like we did.”
“These kids are the worst offenders,” said some random man who notably has no children and radiated judgment like solar radiation itself.
“All they need is a firm hand and a lack of empathy.”
Critics have pointed out that he seemed oddly enthusiastic about the entire collapse of digital society.
As the sun sets on another electricity-free evening, parents across the world clutch analog books, rub their temples, and whisper into the darkness:
“Why, Lord? Why did we ever let YouTube raise them?”
No word yet on when power will return, but sources say the next CME may arrive just in time for back-to-school season, assuming there’s still a school standing by then.
Ashokan O’Fabley -The Mandolinian
